As discussed a few weeks back, I have long held the belief that my writing is terrible. This is in spite of many people telling me that I was okay, even good, which I struggle to accept. This week heralds the occasion of me finally trying to accept those compliments. Two days from now, on May the 4th, my debut novel Pallas Lost goes live.

I find it hard to believe that this is actually happening. Ten years of writing, shelving, editing, re-writing, and worrying have all come to a head this week. The eBook should go live at midnight, and the paperback and hardcover should be live by that point as well. As of time of writing, 30 people will have access immediately, which is just crazy. 

I can only hope that they enjoy it, and leave good reviews.

May the 4th is going to be a full day. Not only is it the release of my novel, it is also my wedding anniversary. Six years ago, my darling wife and I got married behind J. Lorraine Ghost Town in Manor, Texas. The location was a haunted house charity we volunteered at called Scare for a Cure. We had a lovely little wedding with a few dozen friends and family in attendance, complete with a taco bar, waffle bar, and a life-size BB-8 cake.

That’s right, the theme was Star Wars meets Mass Effect. There were lightsabers, blasters, and people in cosplay. The tables were festooned with custom coloring pages, Funko pops, and the “guest book” included Cards Against Humanity custom cards for guests to create.

All in all, it was a pretty great wedding. People we loved surrounded us. This has remained true. While some friendships have come and gone, others have stayed, strengthened, or even began anew. I’m ever grateful for those who were involved with the wedding, those who came, and those who watched via the livestream.

That wedding also marked the time of my wife getting sick. A mystery ailment struck her, and at the time all we knew was that she had tons of fatigue and wasn’t able to stay upright for long periods of time. The near future would see her with a cane, and then relegated to a wheelchair for longer distances. That wheelchair also travelled to Iceland with us a few years later for our honeymoon.

Six years is a long time, though. In those six years, she got very sick, but she has also greatly recovered. She no longer needs a cane to walk, and it has been a couple of years since she used that wheelchair. She still has some fatigue and memory issues, but overall she’s gotten a lot stronger.

Even when she was sick though, she was there for me. She buoyed me up and dealt with my worsening depression. She cheered me on and encouraged me when I showed glimmers of interest in hobbies and activities. She’s always done her best to try and elevate Team Jikki to be the best we could be.

I’m not great at public displays of affection. My depression, anxiety, and more lead to me struggling to feel, well, human most of the time. I may have been the one pushing the wheelchair for years, but Nikki is the one who stayed strong, always pushing me to be better.

Nikki, my darling, my impossible girl, my loving wife, I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart.  You are my everything, we are Team Jikki, and we’ll keep doing better.

Happy Anniversary, my love. Let’s go get tacos or something.